27:48Kevin Hale - How to Work Together
From Y Combinator · Published Jul 21, 2020 · Watch on YouTube
TL;DR
Kevin Hale applies John Gottman’s marriage research to co-founder relationships, arguing that all relationships fight about the same predictable topics and that the four “horsemen” (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling) predict failure.
Key insights
- Gottman can predict divorce with 85% accuracy after a 15-minute argument and 94% after an hour that includes hopes and dreams; professionals (priests, psychologists, marriage counselors) cannot beat r
- Everyone fights, and all fights are about the same universal topics: money, kids, sex, time, jealousy, and the in-laws – these map directly to startup conflicts.
- The four relationship-damaging behaviors to avoid during arguments: criticism (bringing in unrelated issues instead of the one at hand), contempt (intention to insult), defensiveness (not owning respo
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